| Needing a cut and dye! |
[Sep. 5th, 2008|10:09 pm] |
I'm unbelievably bored with my hair right now. And I'm lost as to what I should do... cut it shorter or grow it out. Currently my hair is a strawberry blonde. I really love having the red in my hair but Summer is over and I don't know if I want it this color through the fall and Winter... Suggestions PLEASE!
Here's a timeline (I know boring, sorry!) just so you can see how I've had my hair in the past...
( Timeline ) |
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[Mar. 21st, 2007|10:14 pm] |
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Do you ever feel like your whole world is just spinning and everyone seems to be moving while your at a standstill? And you're so ambivalent, you want to desperately get up and try to catch up but you also want to just continue laying there remaining in a deep sleep... |
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[Feb. 11th, 2007|11:03 pm] |
So I'm aware no one reads this. Not sayin it's a good thing, not saying it's a bad thing.
So I know if I don't write now, I won't be able to fall asleep because in my mind things won't be set right(OCD tendencies), and otherwise I won't have time later this week.
Our winter retreat was this weekend. It started off a bit shakey. Everyone was all crabby and annoyed. half of us were PMSing. The drive up was probably the longest 4 hours of my life. And I was so tired because I was going on 3 hours of sleep from the previous night.
At first I thought our sessions were really boring, but in the back of my mind I was thinking about Montana. And my testimony. How Montana changed everything for me. I was planning on telling Tricia all that because we're the most alike. And today was our last session, and Nat wanted us to tell everyone where we were with our walk/relationship with Jesus. And then I just felt compelled to tell the whole story, how I used to believe when I was younger and then I lost my faith in high school but how it was brought back to me through Montana. I started crying. Alot. But I didn't care. I was laughing. and crying. Definitely crying. But you know I wasn't ashamed.
For so long I have held that over my head. No one from church knew I had struggles before Montana. And I have felt guilty for so long, the fact that I went to Montana when I didn't believe in God at the time. But after telling everyone I felt hollow, in a good way. I told a whole room full of people, about 27-ish of us. I almost wish I could go back to this morning, just to watch the whole scene over again. After I spoke, Kate did, she cried. Then Nicholas did. He cried. Karilyn did. She cried. Tricia almost cried. No one else cried but it was emotional nonetheless. Nicholas and I have practically identical stories. We were raised christian but grew away from it through high school, how we had/have amazing friends that helped us through it. How we're starting to get back on the right track. It was a huge blessing. Because it's during talks like that where you realize your not alone. It makes me sad that I waited so long to tell people from church.
I love them all. I'm not positive what their opinions were on the fact that I went to Montana not believing in God. But I'm not ashamed or guiltridden because I went. That trip changed my life for the better.
It's just amazing that this morning I was going to talk with Tricia about my walk with christ, then Nat placed that question before us and how I was compelled to just speak. And maybe this isn't the case, but I wonder if I hadn't have spoken if Nicholas would have said all of that. It's amazing the things God puts in front of you. The ability he gives you do you something you never thought you could have. I always have extreme difficulty talking about my faith around church friends but today that was forgotton. And from now on it will be. There's no barrier anymore. :o) |
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[Jan. 24th, 2007|08:35 pm] |
I'm in an extremely pessemistic mood. Sorry. :o(
So here's the point of the year where I get severly bored and annoyed. It's always either before finals or after. I really just want a vacation. hah! And we've barely started 2nd semester. February is coming and it will be the longest month of my life. Niceee.
I'm annoyed. I worked unbelievably hard 1st semester. Harder than I have ever worked in highschool. My grades were the highest they ever were. My GPA didn't go up one point. And my class rank is still the same percentage, there was a slight change. Honestly it just makes me want to give up. Why did I work so hard, stress so much, grow apart from people only to remain the exact same? My efforts lead me nowhere. And now I feel even more worried and stressed. I can't, can't get into the colleges I'm aiming for with a 3.2 gpa. And god my practice ACT was horrible...
I just feel like everything I've been wanting/dreaming about is truely a dream that's getting crushed. This is not a good realization. I'm so scared that I'm going to end up going to NIU, WIU, EIU or SIU. I want out of this state so bad. My parents can't even afford out of state...
And in all my classes it seems like all discussioned get leaned toward ACT and future and college and next year. And I just get sick thinking of it. I used to be excited. Now I just get nauseated. Good tradeoff right? haha
My parents lately. Hah. Why am I even writing this all. lmao. Are just annoying. I hate that my mom sees me as an outlett to vent all her anger towards my dad. It's rediculous, instead of telling him. She'll bitch to me how he is and blah blah blah. And my dad? He's still an asshole. I still hold a lot of resentment towards him. I really wish they had gotton divorced when all that stuff went down. I resent my mom for not doing it, for begging him to stay with her.
You ever get the feeling like you just don't belong? Definitely like that lately. I know I have amazing friends. But I feel like I'm missing something. If that makes sense. I can't even put my finger on it or truely try to describe it. I'm lonely I guess? Everyone has someone. I want someone. But I don't want to want it. I want it to come. If that makes sense... |
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[Jan. 11th, 2007|11:55 pm] |
I've never been so stressed in my life. This week has been so crazy. I had a math test yesterday. Psych today. Chem and American Studies tomorrow.
Seriously why give a test when we have finals in less than a week?!?!
I have a C in American Studies. A C! And it's not like it's just one class, it counts for 2. I can't have a C. How do I have a C
I have a B in chem, a fucking 89.4 or something rediculous. I have the ace this test tommorrow to get it back up to an A, but luckily for me I have NO idea whats going on in chem, I hate moless and stoich... suck it
I had straight A's... ugh
Today all we did was talk about college in american studies. I realized there's no possible way I can get into any of my schools on east coast, my gpa is obviously way to low, 3.2 and lets just say the ACT was horrible. Kudos to me. I'll be stuck here.
djklfjkjfjkdfsk fuck this shit.
I swear I'll delete this before anyone reads it.
I never go to bed before 12. |
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[Dec. 30th, 2006|01:08 am] |
I like believing life is just like a movie and a tv show. I'd like to believe movie love is possible.
I don't want to meet any actor/actress from any of my favorite shows. I like believing they are exactly like the roles they portray.
When I found out Jude Law was a cheating scumbag I can't get myself to watch any of his movies without thinking "You had sex with a prostitute". It's really better to keep reality away from me. :o)
Christmas was awesome. As was Christmas Eve. I love family. It's weird though. I always get nostalgic around holidays. Things seemed so in tact when I was younger. I seemed closer to everyone. Now the only cousin I truely talk to is Emma. And believe me, I'm so grateful for that. Emma is my best friend. But sometimes I wish I spoke to Meghan more. Or that I got along with Allie more. And that I talked to Kay and Shayna. Family life was a lot simpler. The only fights were about Ryan taking a toy. I never knew anything. Ignorance truely is bliss. Sometimes I wonder if it would be better not knowing my dads past. I'm not sure which is better. I guess that's just one of lifes difficulties. Being able to accept all the bad things that may happen.
There's this song by Justin Timberlake. Very good. It reminds me of my uncle. Drugs mess up lives. Big time. Really there's times where I wonder how much can a person take? It's a scary reality, how many years someone is to dying. How they are slowly deteriorating. Ruining their life, and those around them.
Today's my birthday :o)! I can rent Brokeback Mountain now. lmao. and no curfew for me :o) |
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[Dec. 22nd, 2006|09:22 pm] |
This week was so slow! I wish Christmas was the first week of break. The first week was just anticipation leading up to next weeks events... it was still okay I guess.
Next week though, that's what I'm looking forward to. Christmas Eve, Christmas, Birthday and New Years all in one week. Best week of the year by far.
Yesterday I went with my mom and helped organize and deliver presents to this women's shelter in the City. People that work with my mom all "adopt" a kid and buy gifts for them. It's amazing when you see how generous people are. Some of these kids had garbage bags full of gifts, just for them. It's also depressing, most of these kids are just happy to recieve anything. And here I am pissed off that I can't get a car. How selfish and greedy can I possibly be. I should be lucky that my parents spend anything.
It's really awesome though when you see god working with people, and you see their hope and optimism when things seem so horrible.
Merry Christmas! |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 16th, 2006|11:37 pm] |
So this week was AWESOME. I don't see the point in this journal anymore. But I know I'll miss it if I delete it.
My locker got decorated twice. I love having friends.
Winter Break is here and I'm so excited. There's so many people I want to catch up with. Have some projects to do. Definitely want to do some reading. mm maybe study for finals. Exchange gifts. Christmas Eve and Christmas. Birthday! New Years. mmm awesome
Anywayyy I feel like posting pictures, though they're boring.
Locker from Monday. From the friends that put up nice pictures
Locker from Friday. Really had the worse possible pictures you could find of me. From Freshman and Sophomore year. Years of bad hair and makeup... Especially Freshman year.
LMAO. I look like a grasshopper? I still can't fathom how my legs look that long
Some random person wrote that. People are so nice at Schaumburg
Nothing to do with a birthday. The car one was embarressing
I made that skirt
I'm proud of it
So after looking at pictures of me with short hair I decided that's not happening ever again. I've been thinking about cutting it shorter, not real short but nonetheless short. Those pictures told me not to.'
Cause long hair I likeeeee
I love that outfit. I love Argyleee
I'm debating my hair darker. Everyone says red hair suits me. But I was looking at pictures from the summer where I died it that chocolate brown color and I think it's cute. But it's winter and I'm pale and darker hair will only further point that out. But I wear bronzer so that might even it out... hmmm
Tell me what to do! |
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[Dec. 11th, 2006|12:48 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  I'm not crying though! | ] |
We're approaching probably one of the best and worst weeks of the year.
I'm aiming for best
Why do parents tell you they're buying two cars and that one of them is going to be yours? And that they're doing it asap. And then they tell you they don't want to buy you a car. Thanks for making me excited and being and idiot and telling people! The 2nd half is my fault. I'm not allowed to drive any car now. But my mom said they're not getting me a car untill I get a job. DO YOU SEE THE PROBLEM IN THAT STATEMENT!!! I can not drive to a job unless there's a car accessable to me, and there isn't! Gosh the red car was a peice of shit but it was better than nothing. And now I have to practice driving the black car so I can maybe, just maybe occasionally get the opportunity to drive it. And in the back of my mind I'm thinking maybe they're just tricking me, so on Christmas they'll really be a car and it will be a total suprise. But it's not. They're serious. You want to know what's strange? My dad is the one that wants to get me a car and my mom doesn't! The roles have switched! I don't get ittttt
I don't see the big deal. I'd be the one paying for the car!!! And the gas and the insurance! I'd have to make monthly car payments to them and for insurance and gas! I'd be doing the work! Ryan doesn't even pay for insurance and he's a 22year old man! fklgflgifhgduidhusepropembnvnjdf
I'm selfish/spoiled/bratty whatever I'm aware. I would have been completely fine if they just told me from the beginning that wanted to wait on getting me a car or not getting me one. Whatever. But the fact that for the past 2 weeks I thought I was getting one and then my dreams get crashed by a frying pan into my faceeee makes me mad!
I have no freedom as of right now. Everything I do is at the will of them. If I need to go somewhere, I have to take of them with me. HAVE YOU SEEN MY MOM IN THE CAR WITH ME! SHE FLIPS OUT! KIND OF LIKE I AM RIGHT NOW
jlljfkjfkjdfdklsdfjei
FUCK BITCH(except today I mean it)
I have rug burn on my neck
I've only gotton a total of 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 daysssss
Math scares me
I love argyle.
I have OCD. I think.
Maybe I'm a hypochodriac
Maybe I have ADD
Maybe I should go to bed |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 2nd, 2006|12:55 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Alanis Morisette: Ironic | ] |
This snow day really came at the perfect time. I only had 4 hours of sleep and I had a test I didn't get to study for and homework still wasn't done. Thank you God!
Thanksgiving was unbelievably crazy and fun...
( Click for More )
I can't even believe it's December. This year is already zooming along. Life moves too fast. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. And I'm not sure if it's because the holidays are coming that lead me to this or just because so much time has passed.
The feeling of guilt is really one of the single worst feelings in the world.
I'm not a good friend this year. Yes I'm maintaining some friendships wonderfully but I've let several close friendships drift away. And I'm worried that it's gotton to this point where it's unfixable. Gosh, I'd rather tell the people who this is targeting individually but I'm not good with the speaking my feelings things. I hate that I bitched at people for not calling me enough and making enough effort to hang out with me when now, I do the exact same thing. It's always someone else calling me and asking to hang out. I'm not making any effort. And it kills me because I know it's bothering other people. And I can keep saying it, how I'm not around enough but saying isn't enough. I need to act on it. I just don't know how. I don't have spare time during the school week. I'm struggling and working my ass off to just get B's. What I need are A's. But that's off the topic. I don't have free time for going out during the week or for random phone calls. When did I become so cold? Friends used to be before everything. I hate that I've ended friendships because they didn't make enough effort. I hate that I've become the type of friend I used to get mad at. I wonder if it's too late to try to fix things
So Christmas is coming and I'm so excited. It's going to mean so much more this year. The past 2 Christmas's I had no reason for celebrating it and now it has a purpose. I'm so grateful I regained my faith during Mission Montana. I really don't know how many times I can say that.
Plus my birthday will soon follow. And I'm looking forward to break! Eeeee |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 19th, 2006|03:10 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | John Mayer: Daughters | ] |
I just watched The Break Up. What I thought it was going to be like is definitely not what it turned out being. A lot more depressing than all the comercials lead you to believe.
It reminded me of May, when all the fighting was going on with my parents. And then this one memory came to mind. Sometime during that month, I remember sitting by my bedroom door, listening to my parents argue, and I sat there sobbing on the floor. Really quite depressing.
Then I got to thinking. Vince Vaunge is identical to my dad in that movie. It's creepy. And really how much of a jerk my dad is. And then I wondered if my dad is still cheating on my mom. If he's still e-mailing other women. If he even talks to that woman. If my dad's truely happy being with my mom. Or if my moms truely happy.
Because maybe it's just an act. My dad puts up with my mom because he knows he can't stand alone financially. And that my mom deals with all of my dad's stuff and puts it in the back of her mind because she fears being alone, and starting over at the age of 47. Either way you look at it there's no positive. I really hope I'm never at a crossroads like that in my life.
And I got to thinking, the movie shows that we never say how we feel. And generally once we do, it's too late. How hard is it to tell someone your honest opinion? I'm not just talking about telling someone you love them or something. I'm just talking generally. Life would seem a whole lot simpler if everyone said what they meant and felt. It would really save time.
I'm on such a John Mayer kick lately! 3 more days untill Wednesday!
( When was the last time I did this? ) |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 15th, 2006|09:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | John Mayer: 3x5 | ] |
8:11, that's right it's 8:11 and what am I not doing? Homework! For once I'm done before 10 or 11.
I guess having ACT and a debate all in one day works to my advantage. :o) Well practice ACT but whatever, it was the ACT from last year
I feel disconnected from the world lately. Maybe because I never go online. Or that I'm too concerned with doing school work, and doing it really well. I will get into a good college. A good college out of state. In a city. And somehow I'll find $30,000 to pay tuition every year.
It's hard finding time for friends with the work load I have this year. It makes me feel horribly guilty.
I can't believe it's almost Thanksgiving. This year is already flying by. Thanksgiving is definitely going to be exciting. Not that it's not any other year. But this year it's my whole whole family.(Whole has to be mentioned twice) I get to see my love/favorite person ever, Emma!!! Seriously I miss her.
So despite the fact that this year is the hardest year of my life, I think I'm managing it pretty well. Yes my grades aren't the best, but I can raise them. And the stress level is really high, but if this were last year or freshman year I would have been crying every day. Kudos to me :o)
The other day I found myself in the midst of a christianity talk. And I was the one defending it rather than questioning and opposing it. I'm so grateful my faith was restored after Montana, I still feel like I'm off the path I should be on, but I'd like to think I'm several steps closer to it than what I was before Montana. But gosh, for the ones who were always around to answer questions or debate with me on the topic of christianity, thank you! Thank you for the patience and consideration you had. The fact that you wouldn't get annoyed at me when I was dissagreeing with everything you said is truely amazing. I found myself getting annoyed at the person I was talking to because they were coming up with all these points that were just annoying me. But I realized I was once that person, probably even more pessemistic and obnoxious on the topic.
I love John Mayerrrrrr |
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[Nov. 7th, 2006|11:17 pm] |
Is this year hard to anyone else? Or am I the only one that feels like breaking down?
Yea. I thought so. |
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[Nov. 1st, 2006|12:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | John Mayer: Love Song for No One | ] |
After missing 4 days of school, I've realized I'm starving for socialization.
Friday I was out of town to visit family in Kentucky. Very fun trip. I realized I have to learn to ignore and look past when certain cousins are annoying. I'm oblivious just like my grandma. People from Chicago are cleary obnoxious and have big mouths.
Then I caught the flu. Awesome. Puking, fever, headaches and nausia are all included.
I can't wait untill I get back to school. I'll be living in test makeup, projectsprojectsprojects. And to the weekend I thought maybe I could catch up with friends will now be homework weekend.
Holidays are coming. I'm excited! But I'm broke. I've never ever waited untill now to start saving money...I need a job and asap. Except this time ASAP really means NOW.
I'm dying my hair back to my natural color...which is probably really really dark. I don't want my hair to be all damaged and fried by the time I'm 20 sooo I'll leave it like it naturally should be. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 19th, 2006|05:58 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Phantom Planet: California | ] |
Because I'm bored and have little time:
Yes I meant little
9 unknown or mostly unknown facts about me
1.I usually organize things specifically(Yea that's pretty vague) I used to organize all my clothes by color. Now it's all by what type of clothing it is, tanks in one place, t-shirts in one place, fitted tees in an other, and so on. I organize pens/pencils/any writing utencil by color. Mmm you should see my locker!
2.I drink orange juice more than anyone. I have a bottle of it every day for lunch. It's a thing I'm known for, how lame, I'm know for being an orange juice addict
3.I have never used my snooze button on my alarm. I get up right when my alarm goes off.
4.I don't dream. And when I do my dreams are either severely surreal(go figure) and creepy. I don't remember the last time I remember having a dream.
5.I eat the same thing for lunch everyday. Unless I get a salad. But usually not.
6.Alright so this one is horrible. I'm afraid I'll be fat like my mom when I grow up.
7.I hate shutting off the lights in the basement and having to walk upstairs in the dark, or vice versa, having to walk downstairs in the dark to turn on the lights. I always get this image that Osama Binladden will pop out, or my Uncle Dean, whose been dead for 5 years. I usually run upstairs incredibly fast after shutting off the lights. Funny I know
8.I've gotton in the bad habit of sitting while I'm showering. Because I get up so early(5:10am) I'm usually incoherant and lazy, so I'll sit and shower. But I end up leaning against the shower door and minutes later I'll wake up.
9.I think it's mildly creepy when a teacher calls me Jessie. Jessie is reserved for friends and family to call me. And a teacher is definitely not a friend. I'm serious on this, it makes me uncomfortable.
10.I have an amazing memory for things that don't matter. I can somehow remember what people were wearing from random days from nearly 3 years ago. Or 5. or 6. I remember what I wore the first day of 4th grade. Cobalt blue short sleeve shirt, with a blue skirt a little below the knee that was silk with white flowers on it. Or what your hair looked like. Or what you had on your desk. Weird things...
11.I have this reoccuring dream that my dad dies. Hmm okay so thats the last dream I had. It's from a couple of weeks ago though. But I had it about 3 or 4 times. I don't know how he dies. But I'm sitting at the funeral home just sitting there. No ones around me. But I'm just staring blankly at the casket. But I won't walk up to it. At some point I'm sitting and talking with Ryan in another room. Nontheless, creepy and surreal!
12.The future freaks me out. All my concerns lately all lean towards college and what I'll do with the rest of my life. Why does it seem like everyone else has made of their mind of what they want to do? I have ideas, but how realistic are they? Honestly, would I make it in the fashion industry, I'm not that great of a seamstress(that I know of) And how many people actually make it? I think itd be amazing to own a little company/boutique somewhere in New York, or any fashion based city, designing clothes. Or I was thinking of something with writing. I do like writing, but how much? I'm not that great of a writer. I definitely can't put together a novel, because I don't have the creativity level or patience to keep up with a story line. I get bored way to easy. So I need something that keeps me on the edge of my seat(metophorically speaking), something fast paced and nonrepetitious. A friend mentioned something along the lines of a fashion magazine. I could handle that, maybe. I'm so indecisive and worried about it. What if I go to college and realize I'm not cut out for what I went there for? I've just wasted years of my life and money. Which inevetebly I'll be in thousands of dollars of debt, because where I want to go is bound to be expensive and my parents can't afford the cost. Then what do I do? I think it's crazy that at 17 years old we're expected to decide what we're going to do with the rest of our lives. Because the choices we make today are the ones that affect and change the way the rest of our lives play out.
And thats why I'm so into doing well this year. I need to be active. And attentive. And I have to maintain at least a 3.6gpa, and that's low, so I'm guaranteed at least some scholarships. And I need a job to start saving for college!
So much to think about! I'm not so much as stressed as I am determined. I just know I have to work hard and get things done.
Okay 12 was an entry in itself. Yikes. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 15th, 2006|10:18 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | JoJo: Too Little Too Late | ] |
Musical is over. I get Saturdays back. And Monday,Tuesday,Wednesday, Thursday and Fridays back! But...I like the constant feeling of being busy and the on the go feeling. So I either need a job to fill my time with constantly or curricular activities. hmm both!
Friends are hard to manage this year. I'm so hypocrytical. I guess I shouldn't have spoke to soon. But I'm glad that's over with.
Catcher in the Rye paper can suck it.
Junior year is the best year so far, despite all the stress. I kind of like the stress anyway
The thought of college terrifies and depresses me. I keep meaning to make an appointment with my counsler on it. I keep putting it off. What's another week I say?
Grey's Anatomy and Gilmore Girls are an addiction, 2nd next to Orange Juice
Done! |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 21st, 2006|07:58 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | How to Save a Life: The Fray | ] |
Why are oompa loompas so creepy? In both of those movies they are, expecially in the newer version...when they dance I get the heebie jeebies.
Musical's going well. I live at school. Junior year is hectic. But it has it's advantages.
I have the never ending cold
I'm a junior now. Which means thinking about college/future career options. I'm not sure what I want to do. I'd still love to go to New York for college...or just out of state. But I know my parents can't afford it. My parents cojuld barely afford NIU. I don't want to settle for staying in Illinois because of financial problems. And ACT scores...that's terrifying. What if I'm horrible everytime I take it? And I get stuck going to a lousy college? Or I choose a career that ends up not suiting me? |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 10th, 2006|10:02 pm] |
Tonight we had a Mission Montana recap meeting, for any parents or church members who wanted to hear about our trip. We all had to get in front of everyone and speak about our week, anything we learned, or how the trip affected us. But honestly, you can't even put the whole week into words. I tried to but really the week was so amazing and so impactful(real word?) that it's really undescribable(spelled wrong!). And being up there in front of the 50 people was kind of overwhelming/over powering. Granted I had everyone from the trip standing there with me. But once I began to speak, I eventually started crying. And ahh when I cry I do this whole weird breathing thing thats like hiccupping and I can't control it. And I definitely can't talk. But I guess God was speaking through me and I can't even explain, I didn't really cry like that for the trip before but talking about it in front of 50 others made me more emotional about it. It felt good though, I didn't mind crying in front of others, and usually I don't cry in front of anyone else, when I do I imediettly(oh my gosh I can't spell!) stop speaking. But I don't know...God just allowed me to open my heart and share my experience with all those people.
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 14th, 2006|03:21 pm] |
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If the only entries you are seeing are primarily from last Summer it's because all entries after that are friends only. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 5th, 2006|01:56 am] |
I'm getting rid of all my online stuff. No more screen name. myspace. or livejournal. Except I'm not deleting lj because I like reading through old entries.
If you need me and you consider us friends. Call me. Other than that online me is pretty much done.
Gotta be up in 4 hours! Yikes! |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 28th, 2005|12:22 am] |
"Love is wasted time. In the end when its over all that time was wasted time.."
I beg to differ. I think to live is to love.
Love is real, everyone may have a different perception on love and being in love but it's there. Those who don't see it or believe in it are the ones afraid of it.
When you think about it love is scary, almost up there with death. Love is random, and unexpected. People do crazy things when in love. Love can end so abruptly and so horribly and I'm sure everyone is afraid of that because it's true, nothing is forever. Love is when you're so dependent on that one person who makes you feel complete and at that time you feel like you'll be fine as long as you have them but at the same time you're worried about being ripped from that person. You will never know what will happen with love, thats why you hold on you it even tighter
When you're in love life seems so much more worth while. Getting up is probably a little easier and it gives you something to live for. It gives your life purpose. Without love, we'd be left feeling empty
No matter how many times your heart gets broken you will find your way back to love and somehow lifes pieces will come back together and just fit perfectly. I guess with those in between times you just gotta deal..
Maybe there is no such thing as movie love, maybe there is. Maybe you should try experiencing things before someone puts an idea in your head and ruins your mentality.
I think we should stop thinking so much and just do it. If things happen for a reason why not just do that one thing you're afraid of? What if in the end it was suppose to be like you always hoped? But you'll never know untill you do it.
If you're waiting for someone else to do something before you, so then you can finally express yourself or let go. It most likely won't happen. Humans are alike guys. We all fear something and usually we all wait for another person to open up before we do, or confess their love for you before you can do that to them. If everyone holds in those feelings then nothings real and noone knows the truth.
Maybe I am that girl, that people just don't like being around because I'm a tad awkward and I don't go out and get all crazy unless I feel totally and completely comfortable with you. Maybe its because I'm to deep and serious and people don't like having real life conversations besides small talk. Maybe its that I see the world for what it is and maybe that scares people. Or maybe its that I contradict my thinking a lot with believing the oppisites. Maybe it's that I care about how I look and people think I'm crazy for that. Maybe its that I'm awfully shy and to really open myself up to a person is hard for me. Maybe its that I finally have a grasp on who I am that scares people. In the end I'm just me, love me or not.
This year is my year. I'm not waiting for others to ask me I'm going to step up and just do things. This year I'm not acting like someone else for others to like me. Maybe this year people will see both sides of me, the serious writer?, or the girl who scares people at parks(Or maybe thats just an Emma and me thing).
What I write in here is me and all me. It's easier writing all this than telling someone. I can't describe it but its so relieving. I like people reading it though, I won't deny it.
I love life and I love being optimistic |
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[Aug. 22nd, 2005|02:52 pm] |
School starts tommorrow.
Weird! I'm not going to have expectations this year..just hopes
I go back to the gym this week, and I'm more excited for that than school. Going makes me happy, very happy. ENDORPHINS!
This summer wasn't filled with to much, I did't go any where extraodinary or even do much but it was still an amazing summer.
I'm still searching for some answers, and who knows it may take years to really understand or come to terms with but for now I'm at peace with what I know.
Emma and I became so much closer this summer. I can't even describe it, we're so alike its uncanning. There's no other person who reminds me of myself like she does. And yea we clash because we're so alike but we still love each other. And maybe that did happen for a reason.
Now my list for summer was hardly acomplished but lets see..
( The List )
I think this year will be just fine..I'll be okay
|So long sweet summer| |
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[Aug. 17th, 2005|12:50 am] |
The fact that Mr.Brightside isn't downloading or playing on launch is making me very mad
So I just thought of this and thought I would share. When someone asks you a question you should answer it and expand with words. Not just one word answers, there's always more to say. I much more prefer people extending their answers to questions because trust me it brings the conversation to a higher and better level. It actually gives you other things to talk about, and not annoying awkward silences. To me when people answer in one word and don't respond to me, it shows that you're really not interested in talking to me..
Anyway, I'm trying to make this next week the best as humanly possible.
I'm going back to the gym the first day if school. EXCITING! Or maybe this week, haven't decided
I need to redye my hair. Wheee |
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[Aug. 12th, 2005|02:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  okay | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Fall Out Boy: 7 minutes in heaven | ] |
Life is interesting. Isn't it weird how in a matter of a years/months/weeks/even days life can change dramatically.
Forget the years, because change is bound to happen throughout the years.
But in a matter of months a life can change, one incident can just get bigger: either for the worse or for the better
6 months ago someone could have been healthy or thought, then diagnosed with cancer and now a few days away from death.
In a matter of days, you could say something that will be the begginning or end to something
Even when things are horrible and look like there's no bright side there has to be somewhere in the future. Because if life can get so horrible in a matter or months/weeks/days, that means it can get better that soon too. It has to..
Ryan moved today. Upsetting because really the next time I'm going to see him is Christmas. But I'll appreciate that time alot, plus we're going on vacation then so double woo.
Maybe things do happen for a reason, and every situation has a specific place and reason to occur. Bad things are suppose to happen to make the good things so much better. Maybe all the horrible stuff is just a test for all of us, to help us become stronger and more able to complete the next task. Right? But at the same time it's hard to see that.
Why would "god" give us free will, but then have things happen for a reason? |
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throughmyeyes53's journal